When I look back on my own life growing up, and when I talk with other women, I often see what we call the good girl syndrome. It is here, where the little girl exists so engrossed in her own world that nothing much else matters.
It is here, where you see a girl sensitive to the world around her and yet vulnerable is expressing her own needs. And, it is here where she came into the world of wonder ready to embrace all life had to offer.
Could this ‘good girl’ be you?
In my book ‘Brave Ecstatic Woman — 7 Steps to Ignite Your Feminine Essence for an Audaciously Luscious Life‘, I focus on the good girl syndrome in Chapter 3.
What is Woman?
This thought process envelopes the ideas that many of us experienced growing up, and in early adulthood. You see, we have seen a tremendous shift in the world of woman. We have seen the transformation of thoughts surrounding body image, the female climbing the corporate ladder, speaking out on things that matter — and so on.
Although, this pendulum is known for swinging one way only to return again. And again.
Where are we now?
The answer to this question can vary from woman to woman. But, take a moment and think — where are you now? The good girl syndrome, doesn’t only encompass the physical or professional attributes. It also, relates to emotions.
Many girls felt that they ‘knew too much’ that they ‘felt too much’, and that emotional or intuitive knowledge is simply equated with imaginary tendencies.
This message, was often received, that seeing things beyond the material is a form of superstition. Furthermore, that it is a bad thing. Imagine, being told that being empathetic or sensitive was in some way not a good emotion. Stuffing emotions and sensitivities out of sight.
Not allowing the public to see this side. As though it would be become a place that the primary feeling was numb.
Although men can also fall prey to being ‘too good’, women are especially prone to falling into the trap of being the good girl. What is interesting about ‘the good girl syndrome is that we can be completely successful in one area of our life yet in another area we succumb to being the good girl.
Therefore, the good girl syndrome is not about being a people pleaser or a doormat — it is much more subtle.
This is why so many people find themselves stuck because they try to remain the good girl.
The adult version of the good girl syndrome might include the following:
- When we say yes when we really want to say no
- When our feelings get hurt yet we do not say a word
- We completely disagree but we go along with it anyway
The good girl syndrome is interesting because it is what women fall back to when they do not know their value in a relationship. For example, maybe they have a great marriage.
Yet, they question their worth when it comes to their career.
Alternatively, it is the other way around. They have been greatly successful in their career and yet they struggle in intimate relationships.
Can the good girl be truly happy if she is always stifling her essence?
The good girl is not allowed to simply be.
And, if we cannot be ourselves, there is no way we will ever feel true happiness never mind what our hearts’ truly desire. The truth of what we desire is masked by the goodness of the good girl, and will forever stay that way until we are willing to share our true selves.
Heaven forbid these little girls should release the wild, inhibited animal that lives within them. There world is not ready for that.
What I believe instead, is that the world is in fact ready. The world is ready for that woman to lead the way.
For many older women, being a ‘good girl’ was insisted on by family and teachers from a young age. And, as time goes on it manifests itself in broken marriages, unfulfilling careers and parental challenges.
One might assume (safely) that many teenage girls and young women continue to suffer from the good girl syndrome.
Many of us feel that we are never good enough.
Or, perhaps we are afraid to show our true emotions or judge ourselves by our own standards.
This is a thought process and the beauty of that, is when we feed our minds the right thoughts, new mapping can exist. A thought patters can shift, grow, retract, and so on. What are you feeding your own thoughts?
I want to leave you with a quote by Madeleine L’Engle ‘Only when we take ourselves lightly can we take ourselves seriously, so that we are given the courage to say ‘Yes I dare disturb the universe’
What will you do, to disturb it?